happy hallopeen.

i decided to dress up on the job this year--for my saturday night halloween eve shift --with help from a fellow employee, i got made up with some fabulous curled and mascaraed eye lashes, luscious eye shadow and rosy cheeks. i donned some fun purple tights and a school girl skirt from my own collection, had to wear the tuxedo shirt and bow tie though. as i walked--strutted?--up to the door i wondered if they'd even let me into the bar. when the door guy saw me he started laughing.

"that's too funny, man," he said.
"phew," i said, relieved, "glad you like it man, happy halloween."

as i walked through the bar, i got a few reactions, some long stars from guys, to slightly cracked smiles from girls. some of the bartenders winked at me, themselves in tiny leotards plus cat ears and tales. mrrrruuuuu.

the first few people who walked in didn't even acknowledge my get up. i was a little surprised. maybe they were thinking about it though. who knows. the first person who did, did so kind of strangely.

"rockin the kilt tonight, huh?"

"yessir," i say, somewhat surprised that i'm reluctant to correct him that it is indeed a fabulous school girl skirt. i wonder why i didn't correct him, i think to myself.

it's a really slow saturday night, i wonder where everyone is. maybe at halloween keggers. the exciting tension of serving up four bros--they get really gay on each other in groups--while wearing this outfit just seems like it won't ever come. i walk out of the bathroom and there is literally no one in this bar. i walk across into the adjacent bar, to check on a fellow employee. he seems to be doin alright, as it looks a little slow, but not dead. all of the sudden grateful dead's scarlett begonias comes on the PA and i start gettin down in between guys playin dart board and the main dance spot. i get a lot of deer in the headlights looks from these guys, and a few "YOU'RE WEARING IN A SKIRT!" yells. then, a total QT dressed in a white button down, black tie & suspenders, black short shorts, and taped up glasses starts dancing with me. the deers in headlights boys now turn into stink eye boys.

"i'm a nerd!" she says

"cool," i say, "i'm a school girl bathroom guy ;)"

"hahaha, you're crazy, do you dress like this all the time, or just for halloween?"

"both ;)"

"hell yeah!"

we continued to dance together, and make a big scene into grateful dead's shakedown street doing crazy twirls and spins and everything. it was so fun! it was really nice to be able to dance all hippied out to the right kind of music. and it was extra nice to get approached by multiple ladies when all the boys were jockin me.

"i have to get back to work," i tell her sadly.

"aww, you're working?" she asks in disbelief.

"yeah, in the bar next to this one, come visit me."


i'm back in the bathroom...as the door opens...

"whoooooooooah? is this the guys bathroom? you're freakin me out with that skirt, man."

"i'm sorry, i've actually gotten quite a few compliments," i lie, innocently.

"you're lucky it's halloween, man."

i look at him curiously. "is this some kind of passive aggressive violent threat?" i think to myself, and i ask with my body language.

"i'm just fuckin with you, guy," he reassures me, "i just wasn't ready for that."

"it's cool, man, i just danced with a couple ladies, and all their guy friends looked mad confused, it was good stuff," i say.

"hey man, just make sure you don't pop a chub," he says.

"haha, nah, i got briefs man, i'm covered," i say.


since the bar was so dead, we closed early. the drag bar fun must come to an end. i make my way over to a pizza place, to fulfill my drunchies craze.

as i'm eating, these drunk guys are getting out of hand, but they are saying some funny stuff. i look back at them a few times, some with an ugh you're being annoying, and others because they made me lol. the cook, stands over the counter and tells them they need to chill. as they continue to be obnoxious, i continue to watch them.

eventually, one of them gets at me.

"hey, why you keep looking back here? guys, look at that dude. look at that fucking faggot!"

"fuck you," i say, throwing up the finger.

one of them stands up, "you wanna get jumped?!"

i shake my head and laugh, "wow, you're really gonna threaten to jump me?"

"there's six of us, motherfucker!" he says.

"yeah, and if a small guy like me is a threat to the six of you, i really don't know what to say. that's pretty weak, though."

the manager/cook, B, jumps in, "yo, don't threaten my customers. this guy is tight, he comes in here every week and doesn't bother nobody, always chills out. don't fuck with him."

"whatever, you plantation nigga," one guy responds, "we'll take you any time any day."


"well," B says suprisingly calm, "i get up at 4am, see you then."

"4?" one says puzzled, "i'm from the 9-5-4 bitchass plantation mothafucka. you know where i'm from?"

one of his friends tries to calm him down, "shaddup, you're from boca!"

i laugh to myself at this riled up rich drunk guy threatening the man who's making him food. so it goes to obnoxious drunk dudes. the thing is, i'm positive i've met each of these guys in the bathroom, and they're usually alright. once you leave the club, shit gets weird in a whole different way.

eventually the rest of the guys at the table convince their loud friend he's out of line, and they all leave. i finish my food and walk up to B.

"you alright, man?" B asks.

"yeah, man, i can handles that shit. thanks for backin me up. you alright?"

"yeah, i'm good, man," B says, "next time i see those chumps i'mma get em. and it ain't me backin you up, we backin us up. they fuck with anyone. they fuck with us," B says.

"hell yeah, dude, thanks a lot," i say.

"you got it, man, i ain't gonna let people fuck with my customers, especially ones that kick it n shit," B says.

"thanks again, see you soon," i say.

"peace," B says.

as i'm walking out to my friend's car someone makes a comment...


"yo, what the fuck are you wearin'?"

"i'm a bathroom guy in a skirt and tights, man, happy halloween."

"oh, so cause it's halloween, you can wear a skirt and shit?"

"yup, or you know, any day of the year if i feel like it," i say coyly.

"are you gay?"

"if you like," i say, laughing.

"fuck you, i'll kill you if you say you're gay!"

i begin to walk away quickly. once we're at a distance i turn back, and acknowledge him.

"WHAT?!"

"that's not very niiiiiiiiice," i say.

he puffs out his shoulders and begins power walking towards me.

i quickly open the door, as he speeds up.

"H, we need to go!" i said.

"why?" she asks.

"this dude told me he was gonna kill me, and is coming after your car."

"ummm, shit. is he close?"

"he will be if we don't get out of here."

as we backed out he speeds up and begins running after us.

"fuck, he's following us," E says.

"he won't catch us, i say relieved, "phew thanks, H. there's nothing like ending a shift with a threat one your life!"