great poise in the pocket.

i had my first shift on a football night on monday, october 4th. what fantastic social lubricant! we're talking serious man flirting. when a dolphins fan came in, his body slumping down, drowning his imminent defeat in whatever cheap beer cemented his coming week's failure, i assured them of worse things.

"i'm a bucs fan," i'd say, putting my hand on a jersyed shoulder. "at least you have a chance."

"my week is fucking over, bro" he responds. "i'm not even gonna go out this weekend!"

in the wake of his sadness i offer a cigarette or a hand wash, he doesn't bite. looks like we're both stayin in.

a patriots fan comes in. i perk up to meet his joyous attitude.

"yoooo," i say, "did you see that kick return?! so so sweet!"

"fuck yeah, baby, patriots forever! you rootin for 'em too?"

"actually, i'm a bucs fan, and i guess i'm rootin for the 'fins since they're down. but i can still appreciate crazy plays like that. that was sooo dirty."

i move like i'm dodging. "skiiirrrrrt"

"damn the bucs? i'm sorry, bro"

"ah, whatever, we're 2-1, we have a chance. so are you here with a buncha friends or what?"

"yeah, dude, and they're all dolphins fans!"

"that's so kickass, i bet you just talk sooo much shit right now."

"dude, you have no idea. the shit talking is endless."

as the game gets more one sided, the football talk becomes less fun. all the dolphins fans have completely resigned, and it's no longer a thrill for patriots fans that they're winning. it has devolved in a regular, slow night.

and then

a man comes in about 6'2, terribly gelled fauxhawk, ed hardy-like shirt, acid washed jeans, good physical shape. somewhere between a model, and a man doing drag of himself.

he asks, "yo if you were a girl/gay (couldn't tell which one he said) would you wanna fuck me?"

i grin and bat my eyes, unable to otherwise respond.

"oh no, i'm not gay or anything, i just need a confidence booster."

he looks in the mirror, pulls his sleeve up and flexes a slightly toned pasty bicep.

"you'd hit that right?"

i sip on my drink till it makes an annyoing slirp sound.