i can't give you anything but(t) love.

it is kind of strange figuring out when to talk to someone who is urinating. maybe i shouldn't talk to them at all, says the guy who drunkenly, if not aimlessly--thank jebus--launched three darts at my head because "i should know better than to say hey to someone who is trying to piss." a lot of guys though, wait. after unleashed and mid relief, they start lookin around and chat me up. it's an interesting phenomenon. in some bathrooms any view is blocked by a partition, in others depending on an angle i get a glimpse at many a phallus, taking the form of various kinds belts . they could be [knock off] leather, perhaps a guy harvey rhinestone, or even a 'punk rock' belt dick. either way, i must watch my eyes, and my tongue, for a curious wanderer gets little tips ;). a few nights ago, a guy unzipped looked at me and removed his pants, boxers and all, down to his ankles, and as i was 'forced' to look at his bare ass...

"BOOYAH! there's a lil' treat for ya!"

so far though, an all time favorite, was at the end of my [first] night at one particular bar...these two guys walk in arms around one another drunkenly stumblin and singing along to la roux's 'bullet proof'. there's a partition separating two of the stalls, but one guy pays it no mind directly starting over the wall taking his friend in full view. i puff on a cigarette while he begins to lament:

"dude, your dick makes mine look...puny i'm so embarassed"

he begins to respond, "dude..."

i take a puff...

"...don't worry about it man. your'e fine. it's all about confidence."

"thanks, dude, but how can i be confident, pissing next to that"

i laugh a little, and attempt to mask it by quickly inhaling. i cough like i've never smoked.

"aw shit, this bathroom guy thinks we're gay! guy, we're NOT gay."

"hey man, i don't assume anything. i learned early on that i can't really get a square read on anyone. i see so much crazy shit. i wouldn't worry about it."

"but seriously though, we're straight." he turns to his friend, "hahaha, this guy things we're faahhgggs.

"we're totally straight," he assures my while handing me 4 singles.

"i appreciate the tip, but i don't care if you're gay. if you are, i've got shields. take a couple, and do your thing. if you're not, whatever, this kind of shit happens in here every night ;)"